please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dignity is for republicans.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
