this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
