Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
