Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
