How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
