When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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