OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
