we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
