he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
