its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
