I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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