Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
