remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
