your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
