This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
