You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
