apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
