i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
