It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
