remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
