alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
