I think my fart just growled at me.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
