I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
