You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize