At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
