covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize