Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
