After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have aggressive nipples.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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