Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
