I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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