did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
