Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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