genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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