he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
