I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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