im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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