Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
