when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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