Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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