sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
