he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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