is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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