Someone shit on the floor
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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