I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
