Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
