are you still at the devil's house?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize