she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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