I feel great
I just peed on a car
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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