Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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