rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
