ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
