ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
