Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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