So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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