She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
