walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
