I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I came so hard my ears popped.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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