that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
