Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
