I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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