Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
