I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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