): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize