smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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