Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
