So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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